21 March 2006
Company wins FDA approval to distribute LSD
Travel without leaving the farm
BERKELEY, Cal. -- In a news conference here today, Dr. Timothy
Leery, CEO of Galaxy Laboratories, Inc. and Regina Langstaff, President
of Grand Coast Tours, LLP, announced the formation of a new, co-owned company called Trippy Travel, Inc.
The new company will be headquartered in Woodstock, N.Y. and will manufacture and
distribute Laboratory Simulated Destination (LSD) capsules.
 Proclaimed as "the world's first 'legal' travel drugs," these potions
promise to leave the consumer with all the memories of a two week
vacation without ever leaving his home.
According to the companies' joint news release, LSD capsules are
"pharmacological agents that operate simultaneously in the parietal lobe
and limbic system to give users travel experiences
that, upon awakening, are indistinguishable from actually visiting the
particular selected destination."
Wynona Frachance, corporate communications director for the new
company, said, "Human trials of the active ingredients of the LSD
recipe
are nearly complete, and we expect the Food and Drug Administration to
approve their use within 30 days. The first series of capsules—what we
are calling our 'European Tour,' which includes trips to Paris, Rome,
London, Madrid and Berlin—should be on the shelves in time for the summer travel season."
Reliable sources within Trippy Travel have told Travel Fox that as more regional
selections are rolled out—the "South American Tour" is expected by
year's end—that the company will also introduce a "frequent tripper" program.
Taking a trip without leaving the farm, however, is not without risks.
Company documents discovered by Travel Fox revealed that in an independent
study by the Center for Psychotomimetic Performance in Roswell, N.M.,
the side effects of LSD ingestion can be include
compulsive removal of shoes when passing through small portals; uncontrolled whistling
accompanied by the flailing of arms and an occasional scream of "Taxi!"; the compulsive collection of small shampoo bottles;
and—most disturbing—binge packing.
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© 2006 Applied Psychology
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