20 July 2003
TSA makes shoes "optional"
Shirts and shorts are still required
WASHINGTON -- The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has
announced that
passengers may now decide for themselves whether or not to remove their shoes before
going through airport metal detectors. (The agency still requests that
passengers not remove their shirts or underwear.)
The decision comes after dozens
of screeners and thousands of passengers complained to the TSA that they
felt light-headed, nauseous, and even slightly psychotomimetic while
working at or waiting near the passenger screening areas of airports.
After an extensive investigation over the past several months, the TSA
determined that the source of the complaints could be attributed to a
seasonal increase in Plantar Effluvium Disorder (PED), or as it's
commonly known in airports, "stinky feet." As a consequence, the TSA
has made the doffing of shoes optional during passenger screening.
[Interestingly, the TSA found that politicians have never suffered from PED.
Apparently this is due to the frequent bathing of their feet by the
peculiar practice of putting them in their own mouths. -- Ed.]
The TSA also announced that it will launch an
advertising campaign
to encourage passengers to clean their feet, wash their socks, and air
out their shoes at least a few days before traveling to help prevent the
spread of PED. The campaign, called Forestall Offending Other Travelers—or FOOT—will
begin "airing" on major television networks in October.
Seeing this move from the TSA as an opportunity, Richard Reed has begun
to market a shoe deodorant formulated specifically for airline
travelers. Reed is an entrepreneur from Chagrin Falls, OH, who made a
fortune selling "Richard Reed's No Nose Bleeds" for flyers
with problematic whiffers.
Marketing executives, however, believe that Reed, who already has a
strike against him with his infamously homonymous name, will have a
difficult time getting flyers to shell out US$12.95 for what he is
calling "Richard Reed's Shoe Balm."
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© 2003 Applied Psychology
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